I know we're all thinking "Is he naked?". And no, he isn't. Can we take a moment to not debate over Guillaume Cote's sexuality, but rather once again be reminded of the beauty the human form can take on. And be reminded that the fruits of perfection come from hard work and discipline; a love for your talent, and most importantly, an undying passion to strive. I watched this video thrice or so. I don't have a single bone in me that can, or want to dance, but I just really like watching people do it. I think I'd like to let my kid try gymnastics in future, or ballet- even though I've never had any personal interest in the 'girly things'. I think I'd like to expose my child to a wide variety of sports and crafts, and hopefully, they fall in love with something, and have the goodwill to practise it from a young age. I always wished I had started something when I was younger, but the truth is, my parents had given me lessons, both academic and non-academic in everything I've asked for and hated. They enrolled us to abacus, piano (Yes, asian stereotype), bowling, soccer, swimming, even asked if I wanted to try rugby. And really, I always went into something and strived for a while and then lost interested and quit. I think I had been given opportunities, I just never had the discipline nor will to carry them till fruits were reaped. Nonetheless though, I wish I had been talented as a child.

`jol

Yesterday morning was the coldest May (Autumn) morning in 98 years as the temperature plummeted to 1.8 degrees just after 7am. And there I was, clueless, walking about at 7.30am in shorts and my t-shirt wondering why it was colder than usual It really is quite cool, that only after Bob texted me to wear jeans that I started actually thinking and feeling really cold. Most of the time, our brain is a huge factor of how bad things are. Regardless, my nose has been bleeding the entire week, and my asthma's kicked in but I've lost my inhaler (How sexy, right). I can't wait to get back to my tropical island.



I keep feeling like I've heard this song when I was really young, but like many other familiar childhood songs, never found out what the title was and couldn't look for it. But then I just found out this was released only in 2011. Feeling very deja vu-ish now.

Our exams are about a week from now and I don't feel the least bit confident or in control, everyone just tells me "You're very smart Jolyn, you'll worry ceaselessly and then ace it" and whilst that may be annoying, I think I can only do well if I worry endlessly about it. I don't quite think I'll really just fail my units, it's only year 1 and sem 1, but I think that will change very soon, failing out of uni- or well, vet, is quite a heard of thing, and the more I hear the stories, the more afraid I get.
I haven't really been doing very well. Lots of things have been happening at home, and I'm worried, and frightened and I'm sad. For one thing, I just recently found out my grandfather has lung cancer and it's stage 4. They're going to put him through 30 rounds of chemo, but they say he probably won't make it. Mom tries to pretend she's fine all the time, but I can't believe she isn't hurting. And I can't do anything about it. While I have never been very close to my grandad, it's really, well, a hopeless feeling, to just one day realize the people around you can die just like that. And my mom used to always tell me regarding my dad's heavy smoking habit: "Look at Ah Kong. He smoke so much but still so healthy at his age, still can walk." and not to worry about my father. But now I'm just so certain it's really going to hurt my dad's health even more than it probably already has. Mostly though, I worry about my mom. I hope she really is fine, and is coping. The stress must be pretty overwhelming with grandpa in this state and everything else. She refuses to go into detail or even 'disturb' me because she wants me to concentrate on my exams. My mom always was the strongest woman I've known. But it's not working, the foremost thing on my mind is my family, and I will continue to pray and worry endlessly about them.

When I was about 13 or so, I made a vow never to smoke, not even one breath. Amd sometimes though, I want to, you know, try. Like everyone else, I don't think I'll enjoy it or get into it, but I want to try because I want to experience things before I die. But my reason had always been clear. Since I learnt about emphysema or cancer, I have always been terrified my dad will die from one of these diseases. Evil as it may sound, I am convinced he will if he doesn't stop, because when he gets stressed he goes up to a pack a day. And it's terrified me both as a kid and a teenager, I got nightmares of my dad dying, sometimes I just like thinking about what it would be like just because it could happen. And whilst the chances of getting hit by a car may be equal, it still is a personal choice. You could still make a choice not to. His reason had always been "It's my life, I'm old, I want to enjoy it." That's the thing though, I never want to put my kid through this, and I don't want to live my life solely for myself. My dad's life affects ours too: his wife; his children; his friends. It applies to everything, I always thought I would marry a guy who had ideals after mine, and I never wanted him to feel the way I did, so I stayed virgin. I want to be able to support my family, both the one I now have, and will have, financially, so I will be serious about school. They are all the same things.

You realize though, that when you start living with other people's interests at heart, you benefit yourself too. You learn to respect yourself and you get to good places, you get given good opportunities. You don't regret many things, and you don't hurt people as much. I just feel like it puts you in the right track.

I wish people lived more for other peoeple: to love people we take forgranted, and to start loving the people we have even yet to meet.

`jol

This is my cousin and oldest bestfriend. Her name is Angel. We used to live together, untill we were about 3 or so. I used to mispell her name as 'Angle'. That always made her quite mad at me. We've been through pretty much every thing together, though there have been stretched where we were both absorbed in our own lives. When we were in kindergarten, along with the boys, we had a secret clubhouse in the attic of our grandmother's shophouse. We used to all climb onto the roof and watch the cars. A row of kids, on the edge of a tiled roof. It truly was a sight to behold. There was a spiral-staircase from the back of the shophouse leading down into the kitchen and terracota vegetable garden of our uncle's restaurant. We kids were forbidden to use those stairs because they were metal and slippery and could kill us if we fell. We used to be very enteprising. We would photocopy coloured christmas cards and sell them at 50cents each to the relatives. Of course, everyone was merely entertaning us, but we felt so successful, like we were geniuses. $10 meant so much money. We once made pancakes using nothing but starch, flour, sugar and water. We fed it to the guys. They all suffered from food poisoining the next day.

I like reminiscing about our childhood. Along with our brothers and Royvin, it was a very enjoyable, innocent and adventurous one.

If you think Angel is pretty, well, she has a blog. Just sayin'.(:

`jol

In light of the stupid girl and her mom who is trying to sue her high school for her not getting into law in the university of her choice, I thought this would be a fitting reminder. Whilst I think that schools and teachers do play a big role in a child's development, there is only so much a teacher can do. I came from a relatively shit (in my opinion) high school, and I am embarrassed when people ask me which secondary school I had formally attended. Whilst that seems extremely anal, perhaps it's just my case, and the bad experiences that I've let shape my perception. However, I think I'm doing just fine, academically. And because I am, by no means, of above average intelligence, I believe that the census falls directly on the student, and how much she is willing to do to get it.


Read the article here.

`jol

I have only an essay and an assignment to go and I'll feel free to commit to actually properly revising for the exams that is 2 weeks away. I feel a little overwhelmed, I don't feel like I've got enough time for revision, and I'm really struggling with my lit essay. I'm writing about a play by an asian-australian, and whilst I enjoyed the script, I just can't seem to pick out enough points to support the thesis that I am also having trouble creating. And my exam time table is utter shit, I've 3 consecutive papers in the first week of june then an entire week before my lit paper on the 14th of june. I'm slightly worried about the papers being one after another, there's so much to memorize and to practise. And whilst the fact that I need only pass, is of great comfort to me, and that I'm no longer one of the hundred or so still competing to get into vet first year, I still feel dissapointed everytime I get anything lesser than a D, I got a P for a foundation essay and it really got to me because I handed up 2 essays for the subject at the same time, and I merely passed one and got a distinction on the other, so I have no idea what I'm doing wrong, since my writing style's the same for both essays.

Briefly, life has been going quite smoothly, Bob and I are doing good; better than we were before the fights, I think we've just both bared all that we have to bare, and all  that I could bear, and it's just a lot more sincere now. And whilst I really can't say "I'm glad for those events, they made me stronger." I'm glad that we got through it, but naturally, I still feel extremely cautious about every single thing. But I'm happy, most days, and I'm starting to have hope in things again. School's been fine, we've been talking to more of our classmates. Holy-spirit infilling night this friday, Jayessless concert on saturday after Phoebe's party and church and climbing on sunday: I am indeed looking forward to the weekends. I still have yet to look into moving out, but I do really want to, I think, I'm just not used to having people tell me what to do, not when I'm paying you $1200 a month to live here: I wish my landlord and his annoying wife would keep it professional and just be my landlord, and not nag me because you are not my mother, I dislike you, and I don't really care what you think. I've recently taken to just nodding and leaving. I feel mean, though, all the time. But I suppose silence is more respectful than words I think up.

Anyway enough ranting about work and whatnot. I need to sleep, I don't think I deserve rest, but I'm exhausted.

P.s: Here is a list of artists/bands, old and new, you could check out if you're tired of the music you've been listening to.
Olin & the Moon/ Syd Matters/ Tyler Hilton/ Sunday Lane/ Alice Cooper/ Noah & the Whale/ The Boxer Rebellion

`jol

Happy Birthday BFFTFTWF!
You've been such a blessing to me, I really thank God you transfered from JC into Vet Tech otherwise we probably wouldn't have been friends. We've really gone through a bit together, the exams, competitions, trainings and life-problems, and I'm so glad to have had your constant support. I miss random-midnight-biking (even though you always cycle in front of me and fart and it's really really gross), the tiresome hour-long journeys home from trainings, the starbucks studying and the idiotic stunts we pull together. We've really had a blast, thank you for providing me such a comfortable environment to goof off and be myself, and more importantly, for always joining me in being a moron. You are one of the most sincere people I know and you're such a gem to EA. I hope you continue being awesome, and that God may continue to look upon you with favour even as you take on another year of life.

♥Your BFFTFTWF,
`jol